I'm tapping out.

Most people don't like to hear this, but there are things in life that you will fail at. No matter how hard you work, you will fail.

Failure isn't a bad thing. We all have this preconceived notion that failure is simply bad, but failing at something isn't the end of the world. It means you tried and weren't successful. That's all. You get up, dust yourself off, and move on all while learning from the experience.

However, some failures are harder then others, especially when you work so hard for so long at it.

I've failed at "my craft"

I honestly have come to a point in my life where I know I'm not progressing anymore.
My dreams of drawing, really drawing, are just too far out of my reach and it's a sad fact that I have to face.
I can hear the cries now
"No Karen! Keep trying, you'll get better!"
"No Karen, you're good! You are!"
"Why are you such an emo Karen?"
Let me answer all these statements.
Do you know what it is when you work hard for so long and never truly earn anything out of it?
Slavery.
I've become a slave to a craft in the pathetic hope that some glorious "someday" I'll be good. It's been 14 years and I just can't do it anymore. I don't think I'm terrible, I simply just can't stand my lack of growth and this sort of shun I receive as an artist because my work is "typical".

What was once a drive, a passion to become better, has become a vice on my artistic development.
For my artistic growth and my own mental state, I have to let it go.
I have to branch out and see if maybe I'm proficient in another form of art. Other forms I previously neglected for the hope that I, some glorious "someday", may be a better illustrator.

So, while it does hurt to let it go, I know, in the long run, it's going to be the best thing for me.
I'm going to try writing, photography, film making, podcasting, maybe even shirt design.

I'm gonna try things I never have and it's going to be wonderful...but I just can't do it here anymore.

I've become increasingly annoyed at this place...don't give me that fucking look, this place is the artist community equivalent to high school and you all god damn know it.
People don't look at you as a person; your face/heart/personality IS your art and you are only as good as what you can produce.
This place has become a mental drain where it was once a place that drove me to become better. Now a good piece of art is some either some fucking masterpiece or some fucking slash shit.
The amazing will always be honored, the mediocre will always be ignored, and the bad will always ridiculed and that's the end of it.
Maybe it comes with age, I have been on here for 6 years, but I, honest to God, do remember a time when all were treated pretty much as equals (with, of course, of few exceptions here and there). We helped each other grow, develop, learned of other artist and generally rejoiced in this place that brought so many of us wandering artist of the internet, together.

Now it's a festering hive of artist c$%k sucking fan brats.

Deviantart tried, it's not the sites fault, it's the people.
I can't stop the douche-baggery, but that doesn't mean I'll blinded follow it.
I need a better impression, I know I do, but until then, I simply can't associate myself with this site.

To all those people and artist who have helped me and been kind to me, thank you.
You've been nothing but inspirations to me and I can't thank you enough.

If you would like to keep in touch, you can email me at Have_A_Cup_Of_T@yahoo.com

Thank you and Best of Luck in All of Your Endeavors,
Karen D.